i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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