he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
