they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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