Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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