I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
