Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
