took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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