I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
