2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
