I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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