Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
