Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
