your parents love me but you hate me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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