Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
