he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
