She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
