she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
