She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
