That's when you crack a 10am beer
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize