So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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