I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
