My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
