oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
