i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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