peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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