Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize