If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if only i could text you this smell
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
