Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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