I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
