I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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