i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
