the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
