I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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