I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
