Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
