I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
