I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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