He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
