Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
