He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
