Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
