I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
