did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
