I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
