you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
