hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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