he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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