Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
