just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
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