Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
