I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
