i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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