Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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