You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
