Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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