Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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