you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
