if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
