Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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