the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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