all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm too high and old for this...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
